Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login

This deviation was deleted

This looks really good, and I loved the rhymes and imagery. Just one suggestion though. When writing 'eyes' as a plural, you do not need the apostrophe. Otherwise, it sounded fantastic, and really rolled of the mental tongue. I also like how you did the stanzas, giving it that feel of free verse, and allowing each thought to remain separate, but also keeping the poem together as a whole being.
Beautiful words, and really comforting too. The third line, "Remember who I was not who I tried to be" is probably my favorite. That part right after could probably be bumped down a line though.
Love you!
The Artist thought this was FAIR
2 out of 3 deviants thought this was fair.


kashakart Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
thank you for your critique, very helpful and I will remember in the future for stories and poems
Doodlee-a Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Add a Comment: